Trick or Treat? Definitely a
Why I don’t have TV
So I only had a few minutes to exercise today, which meant instead of walking, I hopped on an exercise bike at the Y. Which has 4 close-captioned TVs to stare at while you’re pedaling away.
On TV two, MSNBC was doing a hard-hitting ten minute report…. on American Idol.
That’s right. American Idol.
So I switched over to the tube on the left, which turned out to be one of those Christian channels, featuring a forty-ish woman recounting a quiet evening at home with her ex-husband. Apparently on the spur of the moment, right after watching the Simpsons or something, he decided they both needed to die. So he dragged her to the kitchen, stabbed her a few times, let the gas in the burner run for a while, and then lit a match.
Which is horrifying.
But as I’m pedaling away, watching the woman talk, she says, “As I was lying there on the kitchen floor, I knew Jesus had heard my prayers, because suddenly I felt a warmth all through my body.”
And all I could think was, gee. It could be Jesus. Or it could be because you were ON FIRE.
I can’t tell you anything about the American Idol update — something about a sexual harassment suit, I think — but I am pleased to report that the woman in the second story survived and is happily remarried. (Hubby one turned out to be a paranoid schizophrenic and is now in an institution.)
Overall, it’s probably a good thing I don’t have TV, because I’d spend my days surfing channels and making catty remarks. And not writing. Speaking of writing, evidently my little story about Natalie will in fact appear in the May issue of Portland Magazine. And tomorrow I’ll try to post a link to the Statesman, which is running a feature on yours truly. So overall it’s a publicitastic week.
On the downside, I axed 10,000 words from Wolf 2 today because I didn’t like them. I added another 2,000, but I’m still running a bit behind. (Like at 18,000 words instead of 28,000 words.) Fortunately, if I work a few weekends, I’ll be caught up in no time — besides, I’m feeling much better about the book now, and I may be able to use some of the cut scenes later. And I’ve decided to put in some calf-roping! Do you know anything about calf-roping? I don’t, but I hope to soon!
How’s your writing going? Even if you wrote nothing, your daily net count still beats mine. 🙂
My favorite part of the entire Westlake paper’s article was that they called you “diminutive” and don’t lie, I know it was your favorite part too! I can’t wait for the Statesman tomorrow, she better love you or I’m gonna boycott something!
You sound just like me…I am always making catty remarks at the TV, though it’s usually at the talking heads on the various news programs. I try to leave people who don’t know better alone, but people who *should* be educated and say stupid things are fair game. This explains why I get my news online rather than on TV. But my husband is addicted to the 24-hour news stations. Ugg.
I know nothing about calf roping, but I hope to hear soon what you find out!
I am closing in on 30,000 words. It’s killing me. Ow, ow, ow. Why is this so painful??
“It could be Jesus. Or it could be because you were ON FIRE.”
ROFL!!
I’m having a tough time writing lately. The kids have seemed especially needy. Just last night I was wearing the baby, who would Not Allow me to sit down. I had to stand and rock him for 2 hours. So, I worked on my PDA for a while. Praise God for that PDA. Even if I only got a couple of paragraphs revised!
Glad Ian is feeling better!
Melissa,
I know, I know… I have to say I liked that too. In fact, I must confess that I occasionally stand at the bedroom mirror and say “You’re diminutive!” just to perk myself up.
And the Statesman article was lovely, although I never think any of the pictures look like me. Oh, and Melissa, did you notice your quote in there? 🙂
Laura,
A friend of mine at Starbucks gave me his TMobile code so I can log in from time to time at work (which may or may not be a good thing — but thank you, JT). And today I decided the activity in question would be team calf roping, and I paired poor Sophie up with a guy named Dwayne, who “likes a heifer with a little bit of padding on her.”
Where do these things come from, I ask you?
I swear I don’t know.
So we don’t have TV, which means I miss out on a lot of humor opportunities, but it may be for the best.
Congrats on 30K… what an accomplishment! Yes, it is painful, but it’s all worth it. You need to celebrate. (Clinking my coffee cup to yours…)
K
Christa,
I feel your pain. On Monday, when I had to do that flash fiction piece, Ian would not leave me alone. “Mommy, I need help with the computer. Mommy. Mommy. MOMMY! I SAID I NEED YOU!”
I think my blood pressure is back to something near normal now, but am afraid to check.
It is tough to juggle. Keep at it whenever you can, and know that it will get better.
And I SO remember those days. Not only must you be holding them, but you must be moving. I think my shoulder is permanently canted to the right from carting children around. I used to feel like one of those poor orangutan mothers from National Geographic specials — you know, with one or two little ones hanging off of her at all times.
Hang in there, Christa… I know exactly where you are. Just do what you can and take it day by day. Be gentle with yourself, lock yourself in your bedroom from time to time… and pray the kids don’t get sick. 🙂
Hugs,
Karen (who TOTALLY understands)
OH Karen, you are sooo funny. I love that quote about Jesus. You should be on stage next to Seinfeld.
So you don’t have a TV… Maybe that’s why you can write so much. I not only have
TV, I have TIVO.. which means I tape certain shows every week–and then watch them at night when nothing else is on…Last night I watched Catherine the Great. Can’t believe I knew so little about her.
re: my writing… I have my mystery in front of me as I speak…I was about to spend some time on it last night and “locked” myself in my office (a sure sign I should not be disturbed)- and Hubby walks in wanting to know what kind of corned beef he should buy. I said the expensive kind of course…(we are retired. He goes food shopping and I pretend I’m a writer)
So I saw the article about you first thing this morning. It was wonderful. You are getting so famous that pretty soon you won’t have time to communicate w/us via your blog. I didn’t congratulate you yet on your nomination for the Agatha award-but I will now. I think that’s just great! I hope little Ian is starting to feel better–and I hope your hubby will have no more trouble with tires for a long time to come.
As soon as the blueberries come down in price, I’m going to make that recipe of yours. It looks sooo yummy!
Judy W.
Judy,
Thanks so much! Although I think I’m better at sit-down comedy than stand-up… still, Seinfeld. That’s high praise!
I do sometimes wish we had cable; I miss those History Channel shows, and the Food Network and even HGTV (which I used to call Hideous and Grotesque TV, but is evidently much better now, based on what I saw on a JetBlue flight once).
And there’s nothing wrong with locking yourself in your office and pretending to be a writer. As my friends can attest, this morning I went to Starbucks and pretended to be a writer. (Had to make up the extra words later, at home.)
Excellent decision re: the corned beef, by the way. And you can make the coffeecake with frozen blueberries; just coat them with flour unless you want a green cake. Then again, with St. Paddy’s Day coming up, that might be just the ticket…
I’m glad you liked the article. I still never like photos of myself, even though Amber did a good job. Thanks too for the congrats on the Agatha — I still can’t believe it. And I actually very much enjoy blogging, so I doubt I’ll get ‘too famous’ to do it. (I will, however, say ‘from your lips to God’s ears’, as a friend of mine says.) It’s fun to just riff on everyday life — like the bit about Jesus and the flaming kitchen — and I love getting to know everyone better.
I hope to see you at one of these signing thingamajigs, Judy!